Monday, October 15, 2007

An Open Letter to Minneapolis Coffee Shops

Dear Coffee Shops,
Economic factors notwithstanding, running a coffee shop is not that complicated. Don't try to deny it. You've got your goods, you've got your customers, you sell the goods to the customers. The goods are not that varied. Coffee beans. Syrups. Dairy products. Etc. Yes? So what I have a hard time understanding is how the coffee shops that I frequent are so often OUT of the basic goods. Examples: Decaf. Cream. These are mind-numbingly basic necessities for any reputable coffee establishment, and yet I always manage to ask for them on the day that they're gone. Then I have the pleasure of being blandly informed by the hipper-than-thou barista that what I've asked for is unavailable. Then he or she wonders why I don't tip. It vexes me. The end.


So on to the real business of the evening. I'm at the Spyhouse, where I've come for no better reason than to leave my apartment, and to justify the fact that I took my laptop home from work today. For non-locals, the Spyhouse is our local tres-vintage coffee spot, always popping up on Best-Of lists and the Missed Connections. City Pages just cut to the chase this year and named it something to the effect of "Best Place for Men to Stare at Women Whom They Will Never Actually Approach." I didn't come here to be stared at, but it never hurts to be reminded, when in a down cycle, that one is not a troglodyte.

Do I need to do introductory stuff? Maybe that would be helpful, if I'm to eventually realize my dream of INTERNET STARDOM. (This will be difficult, assuming that I forgo posting of naked pictures. Nonetheless, I sally onward.) Okay, introductory stuff. If you already know me, you can take a long recess while the rest of the kids get up to speed.

Name: Kate
Age: 25
Marital Status: Deep, all-consuming aversion
Children: None, in light of the above, though my father seems to think this shouldn't hold me back.
Occupation: Disclosure here would violate Founding Rule #1.
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Various Other Locations: Aberdeen, SD (1986-2000); Boston, MA (2000-2004); Washington, D.C. (Summer 2005)
Notable Sidekicks: Emily, Katie and Brooke (coworkers); Brendan (long-distance bestie and confidant, Impossible Love of Life); Braden (not to be confused with Brendan, but also a long-distance chum, good at tough love); Jon (brother, currently turning over new leaf in tech school, all sunshine and puppies these days); Patrick (fellow book-club member, ex-fellow, current friend); others to be introduced as they pop in
Interests: Coffee, reading, journalism, half-hearted vegetarianism, environmentalism, writing
Currently: In need of restroom. Also, have hankering to work on Sunday crossword.
Result: Am quitting this entry.

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