Tuesday, December 30, 2008
4/4: In college, my classmates and I thought that our major was kind of a joke, because so much involved in "marketing communications" just seems like common sense.
But sometimes now- say, when somebody thinks putting a 24-word headline on a news release is a good idea- I realize that maybe it's not that common.
5/26: Every month or so when I go to the Red Cross to donate platelets, I entertain thoughts of meeting some hot dude there. We’d meet in the lobby, and then end up in adjacent chairs for our donations, and by then we’d be having such a fine time chatting (“Isn’t donating platelets the easiest way to do good?” “I know! It’s like volunteering, but for lazy people!”) that we’d both pass up watching a movie, and by the time we hit the refreshments table we’d be in deep smit.
This never happens. In fact, I rarely even see men at the Red Cross, and when I do they’re inevitably old and married. Actually, everybody I see there is old and married.
Now that I’ve thought through this scenario, it seems that the apheresis center is not exactly a hot singles scene. It should be though, and do you know why? You could be relatively certain that a person you meet there is free of any major blood-borne diseases, has a good platelet count and normal blood pressure, has never exchanged sex for money or drugs, and is not afraid of needles. These are all excellent qualities in a potential romantic connection, and just try ascertaining that kind of information on, say, the roof at Brit’s.
6/18: Everything up is down today and everything down is up! I can't concentrate! This is madness! Cole is enlisting in the army, my ex is dating someone way classier than me, they only had pound-sized yogurts at Au Bon Pain, my iPod battery ran out, and things in general have gone haywire! Is this what happens when I try to shake it up?
7/7: Today at work, Kate and Patrick get lots done.
P: i just discovered something terrible.
K: a lump in your nads?
P: oh, why did you have to go there? what if i really did?
K: you probably wouldn't be telling me about it via google chat?
P: ok, true. no, not actually terrible. but you know how some text editing programs have a feature where it'll read what's written in that awful computer voice?
K: yes, we had a lot of fun with that in my college dorm.
P: well, i'm trying to get a scottish accent out of it. this is not appropriate nor should i be enjoying it this much.
K: what's the terrible part?
P: okay, so clearly "terrible" was a bit of an exaggeration. or maybe the completely wrong word. it's just the worst kind of time waster.
K: what program is this? can i do it in Word?
P: i don't know, but excel can. but my attempt at phonetic scottish in computer voice is pretty terrible.
K: UMM. AWESOME. how can i make it speak scottish?
P: nononono. this is me trying to make it sound scottish with phonetic spellings. it's still the same shitty computer voice
K: i know, i just wanted to know what words you were doing. i just got a pretty decent boston accent with "pahk the cah in hahvad yahd."
P: ok, so you're way better at this than me. also less vulgar. "aaaie, thot laahsie, thar's a feckin coont"
K: i will now accomplish nothing for the rest of the day.
7/9: So I got an unflattering sunburn on my chest/upper-boob area while at the Pride parade a week and a half ago, and now look like an idiot every time I wear a shirt cut lower than the one I was wearing that day. In other Pride news, I got $5 in change in the form of dollar coins at the festival, and briefly thought that they were, like, special Pride dollars. I'm dumb. I didn't know Jefferson was on those things now; I thought it was still Sacagawea. In other currency news, why don't pennies just go away already? Seriously.
7/21: I just accidentally crumbled a cupcake all over my desk and then continued to eat the pieces that were still large enough to make it worth the trouble. It was very fetching.
12/1: Holiday confession: I love, love, love that Mariah Carey song, "All I Want for Christmas Is You." I heard it for the first time this season on my drive home yesterday, and I definitely sang along. I was a major fan of MC back in the day, you know.
Looking back, I guess I had good reasons for not finishing a lot of these posts. Here's to better writing in '09!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Also, your car doors freeze shut. Which is inconvenient, if you hope to go anywhere.
Just painting a little picture for my out-of-state readership.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I don't really know what to tell you, other than it's been cold out; I've had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning; I'm watching season seven of The West Wing on DVD and finding it very compelling; I'm knitting; I'm generally doing solitary old-lady things that are keeping me away from this, my blog on the interwebs.
Speaking of solitary, this Friday is the big company holiday party, a very fancy dress-up event that I will be attending stag. My hope is that Todd will be put in charge of drink tickets again, and I can down enough before dinner that I won't mind being seated next to the other sad singles at the sad singles table. Also, Kristin is pregnant, and she said Brooke and I could have her tickets. It occurred to Brooke and me, too late, that we should have RSVP'd with fictitious dates so that we could have then taken their drink tickets too. I may be coming off a little preoccupied with drink tickets here, but economic conditions and the precarious state of our jobs mean that one never can tell when it is one's last chance to be a lush on the company dime, and I didn't get a raise this year; I'll be damned if I don't make it up in vodka.
God bless us, everyone.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
1. The family is doing well. Mom is kicking ass at work, Dad has finally found a career that suits him, Jon quit smoking and continues to learn his craft as a luthier. And while Grandma probably wouldn't count this as one of her best years, I think that what happened needed to happen. And if you're an elderly widow living alone on a farm, and you're going to break a hip, you should do it in public, and in a relatively minor way, which she did. So way to go, Grandma.
2. Politically, things are looking up. Like, way up. I'm not saying that things are going to be magically fixed in January, but I am glad to know that the people in charge of trying to fix things are thoughtful and educated and don't make decisions based on their "gut" or "a feeling" or "Jesus." Also, Tom Daschle, you guys. This puts me, like, two degrees from the president. The Aberdeen mafia knows no bounds.
3. Remember that time about a year ago when I said I was going to pay off my credit card and start being a grown-up financially? Yeah, I did that. I don't want to tempt fate here, but I have built up a meager savings account that I now add to every month like a big girl. Also, the current financial crisis, if it had to happen, is at least happening at a time in my life when my portfolio is pathetic in the first place, and now has plenty of time to recover. Also, if I do get laid off, I'll have only myself to take care of. No kids, no husband, no house payment. I could totally pick up and join the circus. (A trapeze act, obviously. Finally, an appropriate occasion to wear sequins!)
4. My fuh-wends. I didn't know many people when I moved here, and for a while my friends were my brother's friends, and then my boyfriend's friends, who were all wonderful, but I sometimes felt a degree removed. So now finally, I am really glad to have do-it-yourself friends, people I met at work and book club and kickball, as well as a few members of the Aberdeen mafia, of course. This year we played kickball in formal wear, spent a rained-out cabin weekend on feats of skill and strength, and tomorrow will celebrate "Thankskegger," to which I will bring a Jell-o mold in the shape of a lobster.
Okay, so in order to fully enjoy Thankskegger, I need to finish an article. Right now. On Saturday night. Things I am not thankful for this year: My ongoing inability to write during normal work hours at my desk.
Monday, November 17, 2008
I am totally jealous of that second grader.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
That makes me smile.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
We are not going to talk about the salary freeze, because I will lapse into a suffocating despair. Oops, too late.
Monday, October 27, 2008
I don't really have time right now to delve into the deeper things about the visit- how it was sad but still a relief, how the house was clearly getting away from her, how I think that the farm is the root of everything sane and practical in my life and I'm going to have a hard time when it's really gone.
But I took pictures.
Please note the Alamo mural.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Friday, October 17, 2008
So yeah, I can see the Alamo outside my window as I write this, and I have a free hour right now with which I could go see it up close, and instead I'm watching Oprah in bed because my feet hurt that badly and I am that tired. Trade shows, you guys. Whose idea was this?
I went to a luncheon today at a very fancy hotel, was the youngest person in the room, and severely under dressed. Go me. I never even attempt wearing heels at these things, but today was not the best day for me to have chosen Mary Janes. I looked like I was 12.
We've been here since Wednesday, and I never thought I would say this, but I may actually be sick of chips and salsa. And maybe margaritas too?
Clearly, Texas has warped my brain.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
You should try particularly hard to NOT spell it incorrectly three times.
Especially when you are writing your contact to say that although your campus club has enjoyed its past annual tours of her agency (led by her), this year it would like to tour the sister agency instead, and could she please send on the contact information?
This sort of note will be interpreted unfavorably.
Monday, October 6, 2008
You should also be aware that making challah is kind of a weird Saturday evening activity, and if your friends call and invite you to come meet them at the CC, you may have to reply that you can't come until much later, because you're waiting for your dough to rise. And then you'll have a few hours to kill watching The Notebook and feeling lame. But when it's all done you'll have a nice, albeit unevenly shaped, skateboard-sized challah.
No comments about my dirty stove.
French toast at my place for the next three weeks, then?
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Sunday, September 28, 2008
But anyway, let's procrastinate a little while longer with le blogging. I hope you all did your patriotic duty and watched the debate on Friday. I did, kind of, and what I mean by that is I attended Morgan's debate-watching party and drank a little too much, too early, so that after maybe half an hour of debating I was not feeling in the mood for any more back-and-forth about pork barrel spending and blar blar blar*, and I might have shouted that I was bored and just wanted to see what Michelle was wearing. Also, there came a point when I stirred my drink with a cheesy fondue fork. Whatevs.
On to news of a generation that isn't yet cynical enough to participate in debate drinking games: Last Thursday was family night at the Little's new school, the KIPP Stand Academy. I went; the Little's mom did not; I don't really know why. Anyway. It is outstanding. The teachers are amazing, the program is amazing, the kids are amazing. They did a RAP of TIMES TABLES. VOLUNTARILY. They really reaaaallly wanted to show everyone; they were so eager to do it, straining from raising their hands so adamantly. So maybe my eyes welled up a little; I don't know. I can see the difference in the Little, too, even though it's only been six weeks. She has a lot more to say about what's been going on at school. She knows who's running for president. She has her Saturday electives for next term already picked out, one of which is FILM. Yeah, they have film classes for fifth graders.
So I'm just hoping that it continues to work out and she can stay there all through middle school. That would be good. "Good," as in, "life altering and miraculous."
Speaking of miracles, it will be a miracle if I ever finish this article. Gah, fine, bye for now.
* 4 cereals, though, I totally care deeply about the issues.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
K: He is?
K: I am.
P: Closer... the subject is implied.
P: [The host] had done her research, and was all ready to argue against people that put things like "I am," expecting lots of arguments, but apparently there were a lot of answers like, "No."
K: Neither a subject nor a verb! Yay, America!
Monday, September 22, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Oh my god, I have saved the money for something before actually purchasing it. My whole world is rocked.
In internet happenings, I have watched this video of a stranger's baby sneezing approximately 14 times. (If you are not familiar with that blog, don't go digging around in it unless you are prepared to cry, cry, cry at your desk.)
Also, Travel & Leisure says that Minneapolis is smart and clean, which, come to think of it, is what Joe Biden said about Obama back in February. Minneapolis is the Barack Obama of US cities! Hey, remember in '04, when I wanted a Wesley Clark/Joe Biden Silver Fox ticket? You probably didn't know me then, but yeah, true story.
Continuity of this entry: no.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
1. It is cold in here, yo. My toesies are little ice blocks, 4 cereals.
2. View out of giant windows is distracting.
3. On overcast days, it might make me more susceptible to le sadness.
4. Harder to eavesdrop on other people's conversations.
5. Reflection in window is constant reminder of hair's suckitude.
6. Am suddenly overwhelmed with career-worry/certainty that I will be laid off/unceremoniously dismissed.
Other than that, though, everything is swell.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Our little clan is gathered in Sioux Falls this weekend to visit her in her temporary nursing home- temporary because as soon as the hip is better we hope to move her to an assisted living facility, which I am assured is much nicer than the nursing home, which is good because oh my god the nursing home is not all that nice.
She's having a hard time remembering what's going on, where she is and why. My mom brought her a bright pink post-it pad to write notes on, such as, "Pat and kids are coming for lunch at 11:30 tomorrow," or, "Staff will pick you up for church service at 10:00," or- and this is the one that perfectly encapsulates her sense of humor, practicality, and self-awareness, despite everything- "Don't go running away."
She can still do a crossword puzzle like nobody's business, and today when my dad asked her a question that had stumped the contestants on Jeopardy (this is the profession named in the first line of the 23rd Psalm), she answered without batting an eye (shepherd). So I guess some things don't get erased. I am told that my great-grandmother spent her last months in bed staring blindly at the ceiling, reciting text from newspapers that she'd read decades before. Word for word. It seems this fun runs in the family.
I am starting on a gingko supplement when I get home.
More to come on all of this, including the as yet unscheduled world's shittiest trip to Grandma's house, the trip in which we clean it out and try to determine what to do with a lifetime's accumulation of pie birds and pretty serving dishes.
In other cheerful news, a rather significant hurricane is headed for New Orleans, and my favorite Times-Pic reporter seems to think it best that he ignore evacuation orders and stay to cover the story. Pulitzer-chasing jackass.
Everything's coming up roses.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The 616 9-inch Logger. Full grain, waterproof leather with Thinsulate lining. Badass!
But what if you're not the type of guy who would ever have an opportunity to drop a chainsaw on your foot? What if you're, like, an east coast ad exec who would like to dress like you know your way around a worksite, but you actually wouldn't know a socket wrench from a crescent wrench from a hole in the ground? Fear not, you big candyass: J. Crew has introduced its own line of Red Wing boots.
The Red Wing Classic Irish Setter. Unlined, unreinforced, but with groovy broken-in looking leather and antique-brass colored eyelets. The price of poseurdom: $325.
Sigh. A fool, his money, yada yada yada.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Sometimes you're just so busy CHASING
CHASING after RAINBOWS
[now sadder, forlornly] you look around your life and find no one's there
No idea what that's all about. Haven't seen Major League in probably 10 to 12 years. One of Charlie Sheen's finer films, though; I think we can all agree. Also, Dennis Haysbert's.
Friday, August 22, 2008
TRY SOME LARGER SIGNAGE, JERKWADS. If you insist on keeping your impossibly small call number labels on the ends of the shelves, some bigger signs hanging overhead would be lovely and would prevent people from wandering aimlessly around the aisles for 20 minutes.
YOUR CARPET IS SO B'FUGLY. I guess that is more of an observation than a suggestion.
HOW DO I HAVE $30 IN LATE FEES??????? I understand that you're a little strapped for cash, but don't take it out on well intentioned readers like me. Okay, so I kept a few knitting books a few months after the due date. But 30 cents per item, per day? This would never happen at the Alexander Mitchell Public Library in Aberdeen, South Dakota, where the nice librarian was just, like, aware that my family's books would be late, but that we would eventually return them in perfect condition. That is how libraries should work. Due dates should be approximate, within a month or two. I mean, really, what harm is done if the book is returned? But now I'm mad, see, and maybe I won't take such good care of your books. Maybe I'll bend the covers, just to subvert your punitive fine system. (Actually, I could never intentionally do that, but the example is for illustrative purposes.)
SO... JUST... WHATEVER. I SEE HOW IT IS NOW. YOU'RE NOT A NICE LIBRARY. YOU'RE A MEAN JERKFACE LIBRARY. AND I PAID MY FINE BALANCE DOWN TO $15 SO I COULD CHECK OUT SOME BOOKS TO LEARN ABOUT FIRST-TIME HOMEBUYING, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN I'M RESPONSIBLE, SEE? BUT JUST TRY, TRY NOW TO GET YOUR OTHER $15, JERKY JERK BIG JERKFACES.
Thank you for allowing me to use your equipment to post this,
Monday, August 18, 2008
If so, you may be fortunate enough to do what I did this weekend: spend a few days lying on the end of a dock, frozen drink in hand, merrily waving at other people on the lake whom you do not know, but who all seem very keen on waving. All this, for the price of a tank of gas. Oh, and a bottle of tequila to replace the one that you depleted in the making of the frozen drinks.
If it is "kids weekend," you and your friend may turn out to be the oldest people there, a fact that you will illustrate by going to bed at 12:30 and refusing to ride on the jet ski in anything but a straight line, but the "kids" (who are actually 18-26) will very kindly overlook these things, and will be so amiable in general that you will think to yourself that there is a lot to be said for a suburban Catholic upbringing. I mean, these people do charity right.
It will dawn on you that you haven't taken a trip for fun in almost two years. You will wish that you could reciprocate your friend's generosity, but somehow a trip to Sioux Falls and a spin on the back of your dad's Harley just don't hold the same appeal.
Knitting, then? Can you reciprocate in knitting?
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Well, tonight is my last class at the Loft. Until I take another one, that is, because I'm all about the lifelong learning, as long as it doesn't cost very much and I don't have to write anything over 1,000 words. Word count of final article: 750. Score!
Because I know you'll be RIVETED, here is a Q&A excerpt I was sorry I couldn't fit in:
There are actually a lot of credit card companies that work out of South Dakota, right? More than anywhere else in the country, and that’s because we have no regulations in terms of interest rates. So what we have is a lot of high-risk credit cards. And some companies like Citibank and even Wells have special divisions just for high risk cards, and that’s what they do here. And who can blame them? If I had a credit card company, I would have it here. Why not? You can just charge all the money you want, or charge for interest fees and penalties and it’s not regulated by the state. The upside of that is that it’s provided thousands of jobs here- decent paying jobs, not great paying jobs for South Dakotans, for regional people. And it has built this city up considerably and put a lot of people to work. That’s the upside. The downside of it is people are getting gouged.Man, my dad's so smart.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Out of context Gmail chat; reason #64 I'm not friends with that many women; names redacted to protect the innocent
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
On a related note, here's a pretty-close-to-actual conversation I had with my Loft instructor last week:
Kate: How should I submit clips if they're articles I've ghostwritten?
Holly: Like... they actually have someone else's name on them?
Kate: Yeah. And a headshot.
Holly: Umm... I wouldn't do that.
So clearly, my career as a writer is seriously going places.
Friday, August 1, 2008
And that is how laziness saved my ass.
Incidentally, I can't remember what radio station I was listening to when I first heard the news, but the DJ said something like this: "We're receiving reports that the I-35W bridge has collapsed over the Mississippi. And now here's something from the Red Hot Chili Peppers." Good work, DJ!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
The crime beat isn't easy, particularly not in New Orleans, and Brendan's been working like crazy since he got there. If you'll all allow me a little Hallmark moment here, I just want to say how proud I am to know him. Keep up the good work, dude, but when you're done with NOLA, maybe find a cushier beat. You deserve it.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
- a plane ticket to New Orleans
- a new laptop
- a frame for the print that Patrick gave me as a gift, like, ten zillion years ago and I have not yet framed because Christ on a bike, why does framing cost so much? And why are there frame shops on every other block in this town? Who can afford all the framing that is keeping these places in business?
- a lampshade for Dirty Anne Bonney. This is not even that expensive, just hard to find. But sister needs a lampshade, as you can see:
I had an idea the other night for a personal finance book, and then Braden told me that I'm the oldest 26-year-old he knows, and made fun of me for having a 401(k), and invited me to come meet him in Vegas. Which I am obviously not doing, because Vegas is not the place for old 26-year-olds with an interest in personal finance. (Note that I said "interest," not "expertise." The book would take approximately eight years of research to do, and I don't think my current job offers "book leave" like the New York Times.)
Anyway, woot woot for my $25. There was a time when this kind of delayed gratification was beyond my capabilities.
I am not going to address how this new endeavor was brought about by my depression regarding the impossibility of my ever ever owning real estate, ever.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Well, the upshot of my inability to accomplish anything during normal business hours is that I can now inform you of some hot info I've just learned, specifically: The Little Fish Movie that Could will be screening again tomorrow at Bryant Lake Bowl as part of the IFP Cinema Lounge. This means that I will have to miss kickball AND spend money at Bryant Lake Bowl, two things I don't relish, but
Okay, I'm going to finish this article now. 4 realz.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Umm. I was busy with a work thing most of this weekend, so I didn't really get a chance to unwind. This might explain the greater than usual Monday morning fury. The work thing was a large outdoor event, and we had a minor crisis on Friday night when a storm rolled in and the attendees had to be evacuated to nearby parking garages. It all ended well though, and when the whole thing was over on Saturday, Emily and I celebrated at the Bulldog with my good friend, vodka.
Hey, vodka, I missed you. Let's agree to never spend another day apart. Oh, and I love you too, coffee. You're my angel of the morning, and vodka is my lady of the night.
On the docket this week: Summer Music & Movies starts tonight; if I'm not still at work I'll be there. Class at the Loft on Thursday; the first one last week was very enlightening and I wrote a fascinating article about a bunny which included the quote, "Hey, I just poop wherever." Friday is Emily's birthday party, for which we will return to the Bulldog and hope a bald stranger sends us drinks again; but wait, maybe not, because I have to drive to Sioux Falls on Friday night for JazzFest; my parents are very excited about it and my mother is intent on introducing me to some pharmacist, but little does she know that the only pharmacist I have eyes for is Tony at the downtown Target.
Tony, remember that time you counseled me on Cipro dos and don'ts? Staring into your eyes, I was almost able to forget the searing pain in my bladder. Call me, dude; my number's in the computer.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
JESUS H. CHRIST. I QUIT.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Monday, June 30, 2008
Thanks, Dad. I'll be sure to try that approach soon.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
- We received an "Audience Award," which we were aware we would be getting, but it is still notable because RT Rybak came to present them, which was very nice of him. The awards ceremony was at The Annex for some reason, and apparently RT was carded on his way in. Way to go, Annex bouncers.
- There were awards for best incorporation of each of the three "elements": a fish, the character of Mr. Perkinson, and the line "You look very familiar." You have one guess as to which of these we won. That is correct; we won Best Prop for the Big Mouth Billy Bass. Thank you, Arc's Value Village of Richfield for selling me a mint condition Big Mouth Billy Bass for $3.19. You made our entire film possible.
- We won Best Song, for Sam and Eli's epic blues-riff Saga of Willie T. Bass. I don't know if that is what the song is actually called.
- We won Best Ensemble, which means that I actually did not ruin the film with my bad acting. Hooray! We got to give acceptance speeches, and mine was very inarticulate, in that I thanked Nikki and Joe and said that working with them was "the best every time," which would indicate that I do not understand the singularity implied by the word "best."
- We did not win, but were nominated for, Best Picture. So. That means that we were in the top three of the 60-some films that were eligible, and that is just plain awesome.
- Overall, I think we were the second most winningest film, behind only the Best Picture, and the Best Picture was indeed excellent. So we are pleased.
- We are also invited to screen our film at the South Dakota Film Festival in September. You have one guess as to where the South Dakota Film Festival is being held. No, Belle Fourche is incorrect; the festival is being held at the historic Capitol Theatre in Aberdeen, i.e., Kate's childhood refuge and site of many happy times from 1993 to 2001. Homecoming, woot! I have always dreamed of making a triumphant return to Aberdeen with a supporting role in a seven minute film about a singing fish.
So that's the news. I have made everyone I know watch the damn thing like three times at this point, and I will stop doing that now. Until September.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
2. Also: MNspeak has informed me that there is a Twin Cities Postcard Club. They have monthly meetings and semi-annual shows. Please note the prevalence of gray hair in the photos on their website. Please note that I will totally be there in October! Yeah, umm... some of you may not be aware that I have a postcard collection, but I totally do and it's totally awesome and someday if you want to come over I will show it to you! (Future diary entry, circa 2030: And I never had another visitor to my home again.)
3. More 48-Hour Film news: In addition to being selected as Audience Favorite at our screening, R&BsnhptAFpoR has also been chosen by the judges (not sure who the judges are, though they obviously have excellent taste) as one of the 12 best films of the local festival (out of 68 total). The "Best of Minneapolis" screening is tonight at 7:00 at the Riverview, with a GALA to follow downtown (I loves me a gala). You can totally come if you have $12 and it isn't sold out. I am now adding "Award-Winning Filmmaker and Big Mouth Billy Bass Locator" to my resume. I'll never be hungry again!
Thursday, June 19, 2008
This is even more exciting in light of the fact that there was another film last night that was like... professional, which we thought might take the honors. But no. The audience has spoken, and they have chosen HEART and AUTHENTICITY and a RELATIVELY LOW BUDGET and a BIG GODDAMN SINGING FISH. Thank you, people of Minneapolis.
If you've got QuickTime, you can watch this stunning cinematic tour de force right here. Please note that I was a last minute addition to the cast and was not prepared to go on camera the day of shooting, and thus my hair looks like ass. Also, unlike my cast mates, I am not a good actor. But everything else about it is awesome gowatchitnowkaythanksbye.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
In that vein, last weekend I joined Nikki, Joe, and company in the 48 Hour Film Project. My participation was not actually required for 48 hours- I'd say I put in 20 or so- so I was not really sweating for it as much as the people who composed original music and edited the film all day Sunday, but I totally contributed in the form of being the person who actually located a Big Mouth Billy Bass, which was integral to the plot. (A little advice: If you're ever writing a script that centers around a Big Mouth Billy Bass, be advised that they are not widely sold anymore through the usual retail channels, and your team may have to scour every thrift outlet in the Twin Cities area to locate one. When trying to complete a short film in the space of 48 hours, this presents a challenge.)
So, our film is called Ricky and Bev Should Not Have Played that April Fool's Prank on Ralph (best title ever), and it is screening tomorrow night at the Riverview at 8:30. You can come! And laugh at my terrible acting! I haven't even seen it yet, and I definitely wore a top during filming that makes me look pregnant, so I will love it for sure.
There are other shakey-uppy things going on as well, which I will maybe disclose at a later date. But now it is time for lunch.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
There were actually several things that bit me in the arse yesterday, which we shall not go into on le blog, but if your name is Tana and you are my hairdresser, you will surely hear about it soon.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Also, tonight is the Old 97s* at First Ave, for which I will be forced to miss the finale of the Books & Bars kickball season and celebratory barbecue, but life is about choices and tonight I choose to watch Rhett Miller's trademark windmill-guitar move, and, maybe if I'm lucky, see him once again mess up the words to "Question" in French. It's going to be pretty great.
*Note that the Old 97s adhere to AP style for pluralizing numbers, while the B-52's, evidently living in their own private Idaho**, stick in a rebel apostrophe.
**No one will find this as hilarious as I do.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Also, the school is conveniently located right across Loring Park, so I'm already envisioning happy-fun-time after-school activities when she's there every other Saturday. (Never thought that at 26 I'd look forward to picking up a 10-year-old from school, but there you have it.)
I kind of geeked out when she told me yesterday. I continue to geek out about it. It's just, in all likelihood, going to be a really pivotal thing in her life, and she deserves it. Everyone deserves it actually, and if you want to feel really crappy, read Thomas Friedman's column today. But, this post is not for feeling crappy. It's for feeling really thrilled and hopeful.
Our regularly scheduled programming of snark and sarcasm will return later this week. Hope everyone has a nice holiday, and go easy on the lighter fluid.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
My feelings about spring would best be expressed by the following clip from the Oscar-winning Technicolor acid trip that is Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, starring some very small-waisted ladies, and seven strapping red-headed dudes:
You're welcome. Happy spring.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
A: Waste the majority of the week of May 12, obviously. Just be stunningly unproductive. This will guarantee a challenge for the week of the 19th, and who doesn't love a big, stinky, sucky sucky suck challenge?
But anyway. In addition to the work to be done next week, I'm also planning on two shows. Because I have one of those magical turn-back-time necklaces like Hermione in Harry Potter, and I can do however much crap I want! The shows, then:
- Eric Hutchinson & Marie Digby at the Varsity on Tuesday. Continuing on my quest to feel like a loser by comparing myself to other Emersonians, must go see old classmate Eric. He's apparently an internet phenomenon, and good for him, because I do remember him as one of the non-jerk cool kids on campus. Yay for the triumph of non-jerks. AND:
- Rilo Kiley. All you haters can just keep it to yourselves, because my number two alternate career choice (after "hand model") is "Jenny Lewis," and I'm going to have a fine time, compliments of Clear Channel (thx, Clear Channel!) because one of the ways that one might be stunningly unproductive during the week of May 12 is to visit the Cities 97 website in search of Basilica Block Party info, and while there one might register to win free tickets to Rilo Kiley, which one might actually win, because despite often feeling like a loser, when it comes to small drawings and other trivial matters of luck, one is often a WINNER.
That is all. If anyone is looking for me during the next week and a half, I will either be at my desk, one of the aforementioned shows, or at home, crying in the shower.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
1. Super cool inflation chart from the New York Times. No, really. I stared at this for a long time on Sunday, and am now even more excited about the interactivity of the online version. Incidentally, prices are up 1.8 percent in the "newspapers and magazines" category, and though it really stings to pay $24 a month for my Sunday subscription to the Times, I guess I should be glad it's not more. Also, when you read the Times, you get to feel superior to all the plebs reading the Strib, while simultaneously feeling totally inferior to all the people featured in the Times, or able to afford any of the products advertised therein. It's a neat little package of classist angst, conveniently delivered to my door every week.
2. Continuing on the topic of publications I subscribe to in order to remind myself of how poor I am: In all the hubbub over the Miley Cyrus photos in Vanity Fair, let's not overlook that the same issue also includes an excerpt from Baba Wawa's new book, in which she describes blowing off the NBC Christmas party with the president of the news division in order to go see Deep Throat. Ms. Walters, I have only one thing to say: Rock on. Oh, and also: Elizabeth Hasselbeck has no right to share a table with you. Seriously, girl got famous eating bugs.
3. A Midsummer Night's Dream. Dazzling. I was dazzled. So many sparkly things! Also, majorly funny, and not like "Oh, haha, the Bard is quite delightful!" drinking-tea-with-pinky-out funny; I mean big, belly-laughs funny. Go. See it.
That's all for now! Going to Red Wing tomorrow to see my brother's first finished guitar, and family time is sure to bring either hilarity or drama, so let's hope for hilarity.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Maybe I can give the books to the Little. But first I should get a more firm determination of her reading skills. She may be below grade level. I say this because a couple weeks ago we were playing Scrabble and she tried to pluralize "WIG" with a Z. Also, her mother lets her have a TV in her bedroom, which I find troubling. But at least now she can watch The Paper!
Friday, April 11, 2008
I've been floundering in my current position for a long time now, angry that I wasn't getting promoted while simultaneously knowing that I wasn't very good at the work and it didn't suit my personality or skills. As you might guess, this is not a recipe for career bliss, and I've been known to mumble forlornly at an extended happy hour, "I wish they would let me just sit in my cube and write."
It turns out that nobody thinks that's such a bad idea. So, after about a month of discussions and organization with my uber-supportive supervisor (I'm not being sarcastic; she really is that cool), the agency has created a new position: copywriter. It's for me. I am the copywriter, huzzah. And since the position didn't exist before (copywriters are a given at an ad agency, but the PR side staffers are generally expected to be the jack-of-all trades sort), I pretty much got to write my own job description, which is the sort of ridiculous good fortune that is not likely to reoccur. Ever. Yeah, so that job description is chock full o' things I like to do, and pretty lean on stuff I don't.
I know that the honeymoon period will pass eventually and Monday mornings will feel the same as ever, but I'm feeling good right now to be heading in a direction that I want to be in for the long term. And it's nice to work someplace where after I said, "I'm not good at this," the response wasn't, "Well, get out then." It warms the cockles of my black little heart.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Remember Gorgeous Match.com Guy in the MySpace ads? It seems the powers that be have decided to replace him with Ralph Macchio Lookalike Guy and Jeremy London Lookalike Guy. Downgrade, right? These dudes would definitely put a roofie in your drink. I am no longer curious about seeing "who's online near me." But it does remind me to look up the registered sex offenders in my neighborhood.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
"It looks like the prow of a pirate ship," Todd and Emily both said (obviously struggling to conceal their jealousy). So, I have taken the Pirate Name Quiz to figure out what we should call her. Dirty Anne Bonney, it is.
My apartment just gets more and more rockin'.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Sure, Antiques Roadshow is on at 7:00. But that's only one hour down, and then there's just an ungodly span of nothing good for the rest of the night.
UNTIL RECENTLY. Yeah. Do you know what I'm talking about? Let me drop a hint: Handsome New York detective solves crimes with sassy partner. The twist? HE'S IMMORTAL. HE'S 400 YEARS OLD. HE'S AN ACE CRIME SOLVER BECAUSE HE KNOWS EVERYTHING THAT'S HAPPENED IN NEW YORK CITY OVER THE LAST 400 YEARS.
Yep, New Amsterdam is probably the best thing that's happened to network TV in recent memory. (Excluding Lipstick Jungle, of course.) I want to go back in time and be a fly on the wall in the meeting where this concept was approved. "It's like Law & Order meets Quantum Leap!"
I'm sure it will run for 12 years. Maybe I should re-investigate the cost of getting cable. Alternately, I could... like... read. That's probably a better solution.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
For example, I loves me some Target, just like everyone else. Sometimes I stop there on my walk home and just wander aimlessly around the end caps. (Turns out that there's a science to this. I clearly live an exciting life when end cap browsing at Target is one of my favorite activites.) When I was flat broke, I was really good at browsing and telling myself "no." I bought food and shampoo and not much else. And it turned out to not be so terrible, because I actually had most of the stuff that caught my eye; Target just had it in a newer cuter version. I got very good at distinguishing between wants and needs. But last night, my internal dialogue went like this:
Spendthrift Kate: Ohmygod, cute cereal bowls, I'ma get two!
Skinflint Kate: But Kate, you already have bowls. You have many, many bowls.
Spendthrift Kate: But! These ones have MONKEYS ON THEM! UUURRRGGHHH WANT IT BAD!!!
I didn't buy the monkey bowls. I did buy a shower curtain and bathmat, but they were both on clearance and they matched my hard-to-match bathroom tile. So. I'm not going to beat myself up about it.
Seriously, though. It is hard to say no to monkey bowls.
Monday, March 24, 2008
I forget that other people's dreams aren't interesting. Sorry.
Voicemail from the Little: "Hi Kate, this is [Little]. I was just calling to say hello. ... Also, I made you a card. Okay. Bye."
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
It's about "The Bachelor."
Girls, this show shouldn't be on TV anymore. Strike that; it never should have been on TV, but since it started during the same reality craze that spawned "Temptation Island," it must have seemed relatively benign at the time. But it's 2008, gang. The show has just begun its 12th season, and in only a few minutes of accidental viewing last night I was so aghast I almost popped a blood vessel.
Let's go over the premise of the show, shall we?
- Round up some ladies. Make sure they're hot enough that people will watch the show, but dumb enough that they will actually agree to be on it.
- Cast your leading man. He too, should be pretty but dumb, but also has to have some redeeming qualities in the way of not seeming dumb and also having a hot job.
- Here's where the fun starts: Make the ladies compete over the man. Haha, awesome! Let's all watch it with our young daughters so we can teach them about gender roles!
- As the ladies compete for the man, it is important to convey how in love they are with him. All 25 of the them. At the same time. Instantly. Also, as the group is slowly whittled down, it is also important to broadcast each week's loser, weeping as she is driven away in a limousine. That is how we know how much she truly loved Le Bachelor.
- And finally, in the end it's like, empowering, see, 'cause the winner has it all: a man, fame, awesome highlights, a man, a closetful of sparkly dresses, a mani/pedi, a good base tan, the satisfaction of knowing she's defeated 24 other bimbos in her quest for a man, and, umm... a man! Happily ever after, 4reals.
So... yeah. This show needs to die, and not to stereotype or anything, but ladies, its continuing existence is our fault. Look up the demos.
I say we pull a reverse "Jericho." Let's flood the ABC offices with packages begging them to take this show off the air. (I'm not saying this will work; not as long as there are advertisers for the show and money to made by the network. What a shame. Good thing I'm not a part of that evil industry. Oh wait...) Anyway, what to put in the packages? Push-up bras? Decapitated Barbie dolls? Acrylic nails? I'm open to suggestions.
Oh my god, I just thought of the perfect thing: dead roses. Let's do it.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Somewhere between the second stop (Grumpy's) and the third (Uptown Bar) it dawned on me that I should have brought an antacid. But a couple drinks later I was busy doing my Fine Young Cannibals impression and all was well.
I was very, very thirsty when I woke up yesterday.
In case anyone is curious, here's my personal ranking of the day's nachos:
#1: Little Tijuana. What nachos need above all else is a substantial chip base, and Little T's delivers. Their chips stay crunchier longerer, all the better for to scoop delicious toppings with.
#2: Uptown Bar. I can't really remember what I liked so much about these, but I do know that guac was included, rather than being an optional side.
#3: Grumpy's. I was kind of unmoved by this batch, but Emily ranked them highest for having the saltiest chips. Grumpy's was a great stop overall, however, and our waitress was even from Aberdeen.
In related news, I did 90 minutes of cardio at the gym yesterday.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
There are so many things mechanically wrong with the previous sentence.
Anyway, the point is I might go back. Only today I'm wishing for a class where everyone sits in a circle and gives the person in front of them a shoulder massage. I don't think that class exists at the gym. It would have to be a very bad, weird gym.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Wouldn't it be awesome if there were a brand of cigarettes called "Holy Smokes," with a bible verse printed on each cigarette?
They'd be huge in the south. You know I'm right.
*I've been cautioned by my boss that I shouldn't tell people about my brilliant ideas, and should instead get busy patenting them. However, since I could never profit from this idea in good conscience (because it's carcinogenic; the sacrilege doesn't bother me so much) I feel okay about sharing it with the interweb.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I kinda want to go home and eat an entire cheese kuchen. Do they sell those anywhere here?
Monday, February 25, 2008
Laying out the cash for the service will mean that I won't quite make the b-day cutoff for paying off my credit card, but I am still counting this project as a success, as I would have made it without this last expense. Also, as Johm the auto mechanics instructor taught us in class last week, proper care and feeding of a transmission is very financially responsible. (As previously mentioned, Johm also taught us that Henry Ford "really really really hated the Jews." He's a Renaissance man. Johm, that is, not Henry Ford.)
Friday, February 22, 2008
I never realized that I took it for granted that every kid knows how to swim. Obviously, that's not true, because people drown, duh, but it never crossed my mind to even ask my Little in advance. I knew she'd wanted to go to the slide last summer, and she had a bathing suit, so the thought never entered my head. But having a bathing suit is not the same thing as having spent a zillion hours at the Y as a guppy, and then a minnow, and on and on through all the silly levels like I did when I was little. I just... forgot. I forgot the process of learning to swim.
I didn't know until a few years ago that at the same time my brother and I started swimming lessons (which was probably shortly after we were out of diapers), my mom took lessons too. She grew up on a farm where swimming opportunities were rare, and she had a bit of a water phobia. But after Jon and I came along, she knew that she had to get over it because she didn't want us to pick up the same fear. (I learned all of this from my dad, who loves to talk about how proud he is that my mom did it. She would never volunteer this information.) And swimming turned out to be one of my favorite-favorite-most-favoritist things to do as a kid, and I was on the swim team in grade school, and every summer my brother and I got season passes to Southside pool and I swam so much that my hair turned green and I wore out my bathing suits.
So I'm grateful to my parents for taking me to lessons, and it's sad to me that it's not that way for every kid. And I know that swimming is not a written-in-stone requirement for a happy childhood, but it's such a simple pleasure, and I worry sometimes that the Little is not allowed to be a real kid as much as she should be. Example: In the five months that I've known her, two of her neighbors have been murdered. When I think about what her worldview must be, compared to mine when I was her age, I feel guilty. I never knew I had the world by the tail.
In Big training, they tell you not to think about these things on such a grand scale, or you'll feel like you're never doing enough to make a difference in your Little's life. You're supposed to just be a friend. A friend who doesn't smoke crack and has never been incarcerated. So that's what I keep coming back to.
The Little ended up having a great time at the pool, which had a maximum depth of four feet, so it didn't take much coaxing to get her to go down the slide. But she's a brave peanut. She would have done it regardless.
2. I've been reading a lot lately about people picking up MRSA at the gym. I was already a little freaked out, and then I read this story about a lady who had an outbreak on her lady bits. I might develop an ulcer now, in addition to MRSA.
3. Nikki surprised me yesterday by posting a picture of me on Myspace that I'd never seen before. It's from high school, but I have no memory of it being taken or what the hell I was doing. I thought it was hilaaaarious, so I made it my profile photo on Myspace and Facebook. But last night Braden called from California, specifically to say that it was horrific and I look fat in it. "I was fatter in college," I reminded him. "I must have been blinded by love," he said. Anyway, I'm going to leave it up to torment him until he pays me a visit. We can't all be California girls.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
I don't know why I didn't discover this information when I was considering buying the car. I did my homework. I swear. I had it inspected. I kind of hate the world right now. Maybe Jeff the Super Mechanic will tell me it's okay. Or maybe it will cost $3,000 and I will never be out of debt, ever, and I will never get to go on a real vacation, ever. Such exciting possibilities!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
I made a visit to the fitness center at The Ivy last week, and though they do have individual TV monitors on every cardio machine there, I decided not to convert. It would have been $15 more per month than Lifetime (and that is for the cheapest, you're-really-too-poor-to-be-a-member-here package), and though I initially thought it would be nice to rub elbows with the fancy types that the spa seems intent on attracting, a tour of the facilities highlighted just how close those elbows would be rubbing. Very close. Too close- particularly in the co-ed whirlpool/sauna area. The upside is that I have a new appreciation for the downtown Lifetime, with its ginormous locker rooms and all-girls sauna, steamroom and whirlpool. I love the steamroom; there's nothing like a good schvitz after a workout! Feels very European! (So does poverty, coincidentally... Maybe I can pretend to be Russian for the next few weeks. Poor, but somehow still glamorous! And deep, very deep!)
2. Cash in the change jar.
Did this yesterday. Turned out I only had about $4, which did help defray the grocery bill, but uhh... yeah, it was only $4.
3. Rely on Netflix for entertainment.
Except that Netflix has been sucking real hard lately, customer-service wise. When they're not sending me TV series discs out of order, they're sending me Pirates of the Caribbean in the sleeve for The Tudors. Hey, thanks Netflix. Guess they're both period pieces with British people, so it's practically the same. Argh.
4. Clean out closet and sell fug castaways to new Buffalo Exchange.
I have to call them and find out if they want my fancy dresses, which would probably be the most valuable items. Note to self: Stop buying holiday party dresses from J. Crew, unless I get so carried away with step #1 that boobs disappear entirely. J. Crew dresses are really only suited for the gangly and flat-chested.
Umm. That's all I've thought of for now. Knock knock knock on wood that nothing financially bad happens for the next few weeks, and I think that I will meet my credit card b-day goal. And then all the baked potatoes will be worth it.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
It’s perhaps telling of my mental state regarding this day that, upon receiving a note from the receptionist informing me that I have a package from “Blooming Cookies,” my first thought is not, Oh, golly, who would’ve thought to send me something? How exciting! but rather, Jesus H. Christ. What the hell sort of awkward misunderstanding is this?
It's from a vendor, though. All is well.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
2. The preferred term is "short actor."
3. The twins who played Elora Danan did not have full heads of curly red hair; that was a wig glued on with syrup.
4. Speaking of hair, Ron Howard rocked a pretty radical combover in the late 80s.*
6. Bavmorda's freaky dogs were actually Rottweilers wearing fur suits.
7. Warwick Davis takes Willow very, very seriously. As everyone should.
Thank you, downtown Borders, for closing and discounting your entire inventory, allowing me to purchase the special edition DVD of Willow. Thank you.
*Warwick Davis did not say this in the commentary; I discovered it in the making-of featurette, because yeah, I watched that too.
Monday, February 11, 2008
It is somewhat deceptive to include a lunch menu on your website when you are not, in fact, open for lunch. This has the potential to cause problems for well meaning, ceviche-craving people, who make plans to meet friends at your restaurante for lunch on a Saturday, only to find that your restaurante does not open until 4:00, and maybe it's a Peruvian thing, but I assure you that 4:00 is well past lunchtime here in Los Estados Unidos. Furthermore, these well meaning, ceviche-craving people may be half-assed vegetarians, and when they find that your restaurante is not open to serve them ceviche at 12:30 on a Saturday, they may accept their friend's suggestion of meeting at Matt's Bar, which not only does not serve ceviche, but is rather famous for cheese-stuffed hamburgers, and half-assed vegetarians that they are, these well meaning people may decide that a cheese-stuffed hamburger sounds really really excellent, thus breaking their meatless streak.
Yes, I ate a Juicy Lucy this weekend and it is all your fault, Machu Picchu Restaurante.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
However, there are also probably ten to fifteen songs on it that I put there just because I love them, and these are more of the slow-paced, "I might take my toaster in the bathtub" variety. They're nice in the morning, before I've really come to terms with being awake and going to work. So sometimes I use my iPod on the bus ride/walk to work. But that's when the trouble starts. Because, inevitably, when what I really want to hear is The Sundays, or Ryan Adams, or something not too perky and not too upbeat, the shuffle serves up every ridiculous novelty song I've ever downloaded for use at the gym. These include the following hot hits:
"Bust a Move" by Young MC
"If You Leave" by OMD
"Love Train" by The O'Jays
"Barracuda" by Heart
"Don't Bring Me Down" by ELO
"Let's Hear It for the Boy" by Deniece Williams
I think you get the idea; there's probably no need for me to further humiliate myself with additional track listings. The point is, when it's 7:30 a.m. and you're not in the mood to bust a move, having to furiously skip past a long list of these songs on your headphones can just make things worse. Especially if you're on the 18 bus, and you've just seen a homeless guy's dime slot, then been sneezed on by the disheveled cat lady sitting way too close to you.
Which is probably why I barked at Emily in the kitchen this morning.
Maybe I should just get a real iPod.
Dear Government, please hurry up with that tax rebate.
Monday, February 4, 2008
2. Saturday afternoon: Obamarama. Other than the fact that we had to stand in line for an eternity before getting in, all was super. Surprise performance by Jeff Tweedy. Obama could talk about geometry proofs for three hours, and I would still be fascinated. (Not to diminish the fine speechwriting by one Jon Favreau, of course.) I was thinking I'd miss the caucus because of my class on Tuesday night, but now I'm thinking I'll miss my class because of the caucus. Yes we can, Scarlett Johansson. Yes we can, girl from Fresh Prince whom I once saw at the Paradise during a Phantom Planet show. Yes we can.
3. Saturday night: Nikki-rama. Went to a party where I randomly met another '04 Emerson grad. He did not seem as thrilled by this coincidence as I was. Then off to the Entry for Chooglin'. It seems that if you walk purposefully backstage and downstairs at the Entry, no one will question you. Of course, Nikki had reason to be there; I was just the blandly-dressed tagalong who leapt for the first open cushion on the sofa that became available. (Because I'm an old lady and my legs were sore from Obamarama.) The poor kid next to me kept trying to strike up a conversation ("Hey, do you have a lighter?" "Hey, that jacket is awesome; where'd you get it?"), but I was sort of kaput from the long day.
Dear Guy from the Band Downstairs at the Entry: I know that girls backstage are supposed to be into you people. Sorry I was such a dud. Perhaps our love could have defied the odds, but it was way past my bedtime.
Nikki, you looked hot, by the way, and I had a great time, despite my fatigue.
4. Sunday: Snoozer Bowl at Em's. Boring game (mostly). Boring commercials. Great snacks! I was the only one cheering for a particular team, and then the Pats went and made me look like an ass for picking the wrong side. Thanks a lot, Brady. Why don't you get sacked a few more times.
No, I take it back. I know it's not your fault, Tom. Maybe you can knock up a few more supermodels in the off season, and I'm sure you'll be back in top form next year. I have faith.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Thanks for signing up to join Barack Obama for a Rally in Minneapolis.
Here are the details:
Rally with Barack Obama in Minneapolis, MN
Saturday, February 2nd
Doors open at 1:30 p.m.
600 First Avenue North
Minneapolis, MN 55403
For more information:
**PLEASE BRING THIS E-TICKET**
Monday, January 28, 2008
I may or may not have watched Sense and Sensibility for the bajillionth time yesterday, in anticipation of the Mansfield Park showing on TV. I really wish that the Uptown would have a midnight showing of Sense and Sensibility, because I think they could get a pretty great crowd, and I really want to watch this movie in the company of other people who will shout "whore!" at the screen with me when Lucy pulls out Edward's handkerchief and blows her nose on it. (Seriously. what. a whore.) It's not as much fun to do it alone in my apartment. (You can get the DVD at Target for about $5, and you totally should so that you can be like me and watch it 3 days in a row- once by itself, once with the Emma Thompson commentary, and once with Ang Lee's. Umm... did I just confess that?)
Mark your calendars for February 10, 17, and 24, by the way. Why? Because those are the dates of the six hour Pride and Prejudice miniseries starring one Colin Firth (NOT starring Jena Malone, who pretty much ruined the recent Keira Knightley version with her raging suckitude).
ALSO: Please direct your attention to this Men of Austen diagram, which helpfully converts the characters' fortunes in pounds into today's US dollars.
If Us Weekly put out an issue on Austen characters, I would buy that.
Oh, and there are books, too. Yeah. Read the books.
Please disregard this entry.