Actual phone conversation with Brendan, a.k.a. Jerkface:
Kate: I heard that this was the 10th snowiest December on record in Minnesota.
Brendan: I have a banana tree in my backyard.
Resolution: put away my laundry. I know it sounds minor, but if I can stick with this one it's going to change my whole 420-square-foot world. Seriously. Since the state of my apartment is usually somewhere between "Miss Havisham" and "the Collyer brothers," I'm hoping that tidiness in one factor (clothing) will carry over to the rest (books, newspapers, knitting projects, recycling, etc. etc. etc.). It's the dumb resolutions that you keep. Take the year I said I would floss regularly. It's still working. I mean, I don't know if you've checked out my gums lately, but they're pretty stellar.
Also, decrease body fat by two percent. This means that I will have to develop an actual strength training program, as opposed to my current practice of occasionally glancing at my dumbbells while watching TV. Whatever. I'll figure it out.