Tuesday, March 18, 2008

No, I do not want to continue on this journey with you.

Ladies. We need to talk.

It's about "The Bachelor."

Girls, this show shouldn't be on TV anymore. Strike that; it never should have been on TV, but since it started during the same reality craze that spawned "Temptation Island," it must have seemed relatively benign at the time. But it's 2008, gang. The show has just begun its 12th season, and in only a few minutes of accidental viewing last night I was so aghast I almost popped a blood vessel.

Let's go over the premise of the show, shall we?
- Round up some ladies. Make sure they're hot enough that people will watch the show, but dumb enough that they will actually agree to be on it.
- Cast your leading man. He too, should be pretty but dumb, but also has to have some redeeming qualities in the way of not seeming dumb and also having a hot job.
- Here's where the fun starts: Make the ladies compete over the man. Haha, awesome! Let's all watch it with our young daughters so we can teach them about gender roles!
- As the ladies compete for the man, it is important to convey how in love they are with him. All 25 of the them. At the same time. Instantly. Also, as the group is slowly whittled down, it is also important to broadcast each week's loser, weeping as she is driven away in a limousine. That is how we know how much she truly loved Le Bachelor.
- And finally, in the end it's like, empowering, see, 'cause the winner has it all: a man, fame, awesome highlights, a man, a closetful of sparkly dresses, a mani/pedi, a good base tan, the satisfaction of knowing she's defeated 24 other bimbos in her quest for a man, and, umm... a man! Happily ever after, 4reals.

So... yeah. This show needs to die, and not to stereotype or anything, but ladies, its continuing existence is our fault. Look up the demos.

I say we pull a reverse "Jericho." Let's flood the ABC offices with packages begging them to take this show off the air. (I'm not saying this will work; not as long as there are advertisers for the show and money to made by the network. What a shame. Good thing I'm not a part of that evil industry. Oh wait...) Anyway, what to put in the packages? Push-up bras? Decapitated Barbie dolls? Acrylic nails? I'm open to suggestions.

Oh my god, I just thought of the perfect thing: dead roses. Let's do it.

3 comments:

Nikki said...

do they have sex on that show, kinda like on temptation island (isn't that the show where they 'simulated' sucking noises in the woods? anyway...)?

if so, i think The Church might get behind you on this one. to my knowledge, they only have an arsenal of plastic fetuses and holy water, but with the right direction...

cwagenam said...

1) I could be wrong, but wasn't there a "Bachelorette" at one time? Would you be satisfied with with an equal opportunity for aspiring MALE actors to make asses of themselves? Like a Title 9 type deal.

2) I didn't make the double standard... I just live by it.

3) Rock of Love makes the Bachelor look like Nova. Nay, a Ken Burns documentary about Nova.

Adriana said...

Ok, I happened upon your blog, and had to comment. I feel exactly the same about this show. And I love your dead roses idea. But if you're ever interested in freaking hilarious recaps/opinions of the show, you have to check out www.ihategreenbeans.com. I don't watch the show, but I read her blog, and it's more entertaining than I could ever imagine.