Dear Minneapolis Central Public Library,
TRY SOME LARGER SIGNAGE, JERKWADS. If you insist on keeping your impossibly small call number labels on the ends of the shelves, some bigger signs hanging overhead would be lovely and would prevent people from wandering aimlessly around the aisles for 20 minutes.
YOUR CARPET IS SO B'FUGLY. I guess that is more of an observation than a suggestion.
HOW DO I HAVE $30 IN LATE FEES??????? I understand that you're a little strapped for cash, but don't take it out on well intentioned readers like me. Okay, so I kept a few knitting books a few months after the due date. But 30 cents per item, per day? This would never happen at the Alexander Mitchell Public Library in Aberdeen, South Dakota, where the nice librarian was just, like, aware that my family's books would be late, but that we would eventually return them in perfect condition. That is how libraries should work. Due dates should be approximate, within a month or two. I mean, really, what harm is done if the book is returned? But now I'm mad, see, and maybe I won't take such good care of your books. Maybe I'll bend the covers, just to subvert your punitive fine system. (Actually, I could never intentionally do that, but the example is for illustrative purposes.)
SO... JUST... WHATEVER. I SEE HOW IT IS NOW. YOU'RE NOT A NICE LIBRARY. YOU'RE A MEAN JERKFACE LIBRARY. AND I PAID MY FINE BALANCE DOWN TO $15 SO I COULD CHECK OUT SOME BOOKS TO LEARN ABOUT FIRST-TIME HOMEBUYING, BECAUSE DEEP DOWN I'M RESPONSIBLE, SEE? BUT JUST TRY, TRY NOW TO GET YOUR OTHER $15, JERKY JERK BIG JERKFACES.
Thank you for allowing me to use your equipment to post this,