Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Year-End Catchall Post of the Year's Unfinished Post Drafts

2/27: Coffee!

4/4: In college, my classmates and I thought that our major was kind of a joke, because so much involved in "marketing communications" just seems like common sense.

But sometimes now- say, when somebody thinks putting a 24-word headline on a news release is a good idea- I realize that maybe it's not that common.

5/26: Every month or so when I go to the Red Cross to donate platelets, I entertain thoughts of meeting some hot dude there. We’d meet in the lobby, and then end up in adjacent chairs for our donations, and by then we’d be having such a fine time chatting (“Isn’t donating platelets the easiest way to do good?” “I know! It’s like volunteering, but for lazy people!”) that we’d both pass up watching a movie, and by the time we hit the refreshments table we’d be in deep smit.

This never happens. In fact, I rarely even see men at the Red Cross, and when I do they’re inevitably old and married. Actually, everybody I see there is old and married.

Now that I’ve thought through this scenario, it seems that the apheresis center is not exactly a hot singles scene. It should be though, and do you know why? You could be relatively certain that a person you meet there is free of any major blood-borne diseases, has a good platelet count and normal blood pressure, has never exchanged sex for money or drugs, and is not afraid of needles. These are all excellent qualities in a potential romantic connection, and just try ascertaining that kind of information on, say, the roof at Brit’s.

6/18: Everything up is down today and everything down is up! I can't concentrate! This is madness! Cole is enlisting in the army, my ex is dating someone way classier than me, they only had pound-sized yogurts at Au Bon Pain, my iPod battery ran out, and things in general have gone haywire! Is this what happens when I try to shake it up?

7/7: Today at work, Kate and Patrick get lots done.

P: i just discovered something terrible.
K: a lump in your nads?
P: oh, why did you have to go there? what if i really did?
K: you probably wouldn't be telling me about it via google chat?
P: ok, true. no, not actually terrible. but you know how some text editing programs have a feature where it'll read what's written in that awful computer voice?
K: yes, we had a lot of fun with that in my college dorm.
P: well, i'm trying to get a scottish accent out of it. this is not appropriate nor should i be enjoying it this much.
K: what's the terrible part?
P: okay, so clearly "terrible" was a bit of an exaggeration. or maybe the completely wrong word. it's just the worst kind of time waster.
K: what program is this? can i do it in Word?
P: i don't know, but excel can. but my attempt at phonetic scottish in computer voice is pretty terrible.
K: UMM. AWESOME. how can i make it speak scottish?
P: nononono. this is me trying to make it sound scottish with phonetic spellings. it's still the same shitty computer voice
K: i know, i just wanted to know what words you were doing. i just got a pretty decent boston accent with "pahk the cah in hahvad yahd."
P: ok, so you're way better at this than me. also less vulgar. "aaaie, thot laahsie, thar's a feckin coont"
K: i will now accomplish nothing for the rest of the day.


7/9:
So I got an unflattering sunburn on my chest/upper-boob area while at the Pride parade a week and a half ago, and now look like an idiot every time I wear a shirt cut lower than the one I was wearing that day. In other Pride news, I got $5 in change in the form of dollar coins at the festival, and briefly thought that they were, like, special Pride dollars. I'm dumb. I didn't know Jefferson was on those things now; I thought it was still Sacagawea. In other currency news, why don't pennies just go away already? Seriously.

7/21: I just accidentally crumbled a cupcake all over my desk and then continued to eat the pieces that were still large enough to make it worth the trouble. It was very fetching.

12/1: Holiday confession: I love, love, love that Mariah Carey song, "All I Want for Christmas Is You." I heard it for the first time this season on my drive home yesterday, and I definitely sang along. I was a major fan of MC back in the day, you know.

***
Looking back, I guess I had good reasons for not finishing a lot of these posts. Here's to better writing in '09!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Not bitter.

When it's this cold (yesterday hit 14 below, if you're an asshole living somewhere warm and you don't know), and you're getting dressed in the morning, you think to yourself: "Well, what sweater do I want to lay down and die in after losing my will to live, like the guy in that Jack London story?"

Also, your car doors freeze shut. Which is inconvenient, if you hope to go anywhere.

Just painting a little picture for my out-of-state readership.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I have my priorities.

I've slacked. I've been slacking. I'm a slacker.

I don't really know what to tell you, other than it's been cold out; I've had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning; I'm watching season seven of The West Wing on DVD and finding it very compelling; I'm knitting; I'm generally doing solitary old-lady things that are keeping me away from this, my blog on the interwebs.

Speaking of solitary, this Friday is the big company holiday party, a very fancy dress-up event that I will be attending stag. My hope is that Todd will be put in charge of drink tickets again, and I can down enough before dinner that I won't mind being seated next to the other sad singles at the sad singles table. Also, Kristin is pregnant, and she said Brooke and I could have her tickets. It occurred to Brooke and me, too late, that we should have RSVP'd with fictitious dates so that we could have then taken their drink tickets too. I may be coming off a little preoccupied with drink tickets here, but economic conditions and the precarious state of our jobs mean that one never can tell when it is one's last chance to be a lush on the company dime, and I didn't get a raise this year; I'll be damned if I don't make it up in vodka.

God bless us, everyone.