Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Year-End Catchall Post of the Year's Unfinished Post Drafts

2/27: Coffee!

4/4: In college, my classmates and I thought that our major was kind of a joke, because so much involved in "marketing communications" just seems like common sense.

But sometimes now- say, when somebody thinks putting a 24-word headline on a news release is a good idea- I realize that maybe it's not that common.

5/26: Every month or so when I go to the Red Cross to donate platelets, I entertain thoughts of meeting some hot dude there. We’d meet in the lobby, and then end up in adjacent chairs for our donations, and by then we’d be having such a fine time chatting (“Isn’t donating platelets the easiest way to do good?” “I know! It’s like volunteering, but for lazy people!”) that we’d both pass up watching a movie, and by the time we hit the refreshments table we’d be in deep smit.

This never happens. In fact, I rarely even see men at the Red Cross, and when I do they’re inevitably old and married. Actually, everybody I see there is old and married.

Now that I’ve thought through this scenario, it seems that the apheresis center is not exactly a hot singles scene. It should be though, and do you know why? You could be relatively certain that a person you meet there is free of any major blood-borne diseases, has a good platelet count and normal blood pressure, has never exchanged sex for money or drugs, and is not afraid of needles. These are all excellent qualities in a potential romantic connection, and just try ascertaining that kind of information on, say, the roof at Brit’s.

6/18: Everything up is down today and everything down is up! I can't concentrate! This is madness! Cole is enlisting in the army, my ex is dating someone way classier than me, they only had pound-sized yogurts at Au Bon Pain, my iPod battery ran out, and things in general have gone haywire! Is this what happens when I try to shake it up?

7/7: Today at work, Kate and Patrick get lots done.

P: i just discovered something terrible.
K: a lump in your nads?
P: oh, why did you have to go there? what if i really did?
K: you probably wouldn't be telling me about it via google chat?
P: ok, true. no, not actually terrible. but you know how some text editing programs have a feature where it'll read what's written in that awful computer voice?
K: yes, we had a lot of fun with that in my college dorm.
P: well, i'm trying to get a scottish accent out of it. this is not appropriate nor should i be enjoying it this much.
K: what's the terrible part?
P: okay, so clearly "terrible" was a bit of an exaggeration. or maybe the completely wrong word. it's just the worst kind of time waster.
K: what program is this? can i do it in Word?
P: i don't know, but excel can. but my attempt at phonetic scottish in computer voice is pretty terrible.
K: UMM. AWESOME. how can i make it speak scottish?
P: nononono. this is me trying to make it sound scottish with phonetic spellings. it's still the same shitty computer voice
K: i know, i just wanted to know what words you were doing. i just got a pretty decent boston accent with "pahk the cah in hahvad yahd."
P: ok, so you're way better at this than me. also less vulgar. "aaaie, thot laahsie, thar's a feckin coont"
K: i will now accomplish nothing for the rest of the day.


7/9:
So I got an unflattering sunburn on my chest/upper-boob area while at the Pride parade a week and a half ago, and now look like an idiot every time I wear a shirt cut lower than the one I was wearing that day. In other Pride news, I got $5 in change in the form of dollar coins at the festival, and briefly thought that they were, like, special Pride dollars. I'm dumb. I didn't know Jefferson was on those things now; I thought it was still Sacagawea. In other currency news, why don't pennies just go away already? Seriously.

7/21: I just accidentally crumbled a cupcake all over my desk and then continued to eat the pieces that were still large enough to make it worth the trouble. It was very fetching.

12/1: Holiday confession: I love, love, love that Mariah Carey song, "All I Want for Christmas Is You." I heard it for the first time this season on my drive home yesterday, and I definitely sang along. I was a major fan of MC back in the day, you know.

***
Looking back, I guess I had good reasons for not finishing a lot of these posts. Here's to better writing in '09!

2 comments:

willikat said...

I can feel ya on entry about your major being common sense.
And I just about died laughing at the blood-bank one. Just think...you could take this to a whole new level--vampires are SO IN right now. ;)

Christian said...

I think the blood bank post is the start of an already amazing column. Freelance?